Lately, the internet has been flooded with young writers talkingabout the epic ~bliss~ theyre feeling now that theyve moved in with bae endlessposts, status updates and lengthy conversations discussing mornings lying together in bed.
Oh, its a blissful feeling to no longer livelike a vagabond, carting your gorgeous designer shoes from Brooklyn to The Upper West Side to get to your SOs place. And that shower sexevery morningis glorious.
The idea of moving in together is so innocently sweet, its enough to make me want to spit my$10 kale, spinach and cayenne pepper cleansing juice right out of my mouth.
I dont have a palate for sweet things anymore because, baby, Ive been burned by those seemingly sweet things.
Now, Ive healed from the wounds, I have my own glorious abode and I cant imagine my life without it:
And moving in with bae, as sweet as it seems, is not so simple. In fact, let me tell you: As a wise30-year-old woman who has been there,done that and wrote the goddamn novel, I know better than anyone that its the furthest thing from simple.
Sure,its cute at first. But trust your lesbian big sister, Zara, when I tell you that living with your partner is no fucking joke especially when youre in the throes of your 20s, the most harrowing decade defined by the deepest growing pains youll ever experience (worst than adolescence).
So here are 30 reasons why you should never move in with your SObefore 30.
1. Youre robbing yourself of the glorious roommate experience. Even if you hate your roomies and want to throw them and all their belongings out the window of your seventh-story apartment, you will look back on the roommate experience fondly. Never again will you come home drunk, devour a pint of ice cream and fall asleep on the couch with your random roommate. Those are precious moments, and youll miss them when theyre gone.
2. Youre also robbing yourself of the empowering experience of living alone. Its so important to know that you can live alone before you cohabitate with your partner.
3. You wont be able to do all the embarrassing things you can ONLY do when youre alone, like slug back hot chocolate and masturbate on the couch. You need to get it out of your system, babe.
4. You cantfuck up the bathroom as much as possible without another person getting irritated atyou.
5. You wont be able to make your bae crave having sex with you for as long as possible.
6. In fact, bae wont even have the chance to miss you anymore. Now, at least you can give them the gift of not being able to see you all the time.
7. Before youre influenced by anyone elses tastes, you need to develop your sense of interior design.Until youve explored your true decorating aesthetic, youre not a fully-realized human being. And trust me, it takes decades.
8. Honestly, youre going to change SO MUCH in your 20s. I know you dont feel that way now, but who you are at 22 willbe vastly different than who you are at 25. In a decade when your only constant is change, youre in no place to commit to living with your bae.
9. And, kittens, youre not special. Youre not the one exception thatllchange rule. If you dont change and evolve in your 20s, you havent grown.
10. Your 20s are not atime for any set in stone commitment.
11. You need to have the freedom to feel unsure about your relationship, without the pressure of a lease on your mind.
12.Breakups are so direly awful, but breaking up with a lease is like getting a divorce.
13. And youre definitely not ready for a divorce.
14. Youre too young, too fabulous and have too much life inside of you to start playing house.
15. Babe, you still deserve to have some secrets. And all secrets get uncovered when you move in with bae.
16. There is really, truly NO REASON to rush anything. If youre going to be together forever, then forever is a long enough time. Give yourself some much-needed time for yourself, before youre bound to living with bae forever.
17. I promise you, you need to have time to do things alone in your 20s self-reflective things, like journaling, having meltdowns on the couch, talking for hours with your momand writing lists about all the things you want to accomplish in your life. When you move in with someone, it becomes almost impossible to have that safe space.
18. Living together makes you argue like an old married couple, which can be cute and charming. But youre not old or married, so dont rush into that phase.
19. You really, truly, honest-to-god dont know someone until youve lived with them. You might realize you cant stand the person youre with, but youll be trapped in a complicated lease. And those adult problems arent the problems you should be dealing with in your 20s.
20. You should be focusing on regular 20-something problems, like where youre going to move next, what your next career move is and WHO ARE YOUreally?
21. Nothing kills the honeymoon period like moving in with someone. Youllwant to stretch out that glorious honeymoon phasefor as long as possible.
22. Its kind of fun to argue about whose place youre going to that night. Plus, you get acquainted with different neighborhoods and places you would never normally go to. DO YOU THINK I WOULD EVER GO TO THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT IF IT WASNT FOR BAE?
23. I dont know one couple in their 20s, whether they stay together forever or not, whodont have passionate, epic fights. You need a place of your own to cool down after.
24. Why rush? You have the rest of your life to live with your partner, but you only have this decade to create your own crazy space.
25. You need to host girls nights at YOUR PLACE, with champagne, mud masks and cigarettes. When you live with bae, youll lose the opportunity to host those kinds of in-your-face girls nights, where you all bitch about the world incessantly.
26. GIRL, you need to build up your wardrobe shamelessly in your 20s. Whether bae is a girl or a boy, you will undoubtedly argue about how much closet space you take up, and you will be pressured to get rid of some star items in your vintage coat collection.
27. Bae doesnt need to know how you spend your money just yet. Bae will try to help you budget, and thats something you need to learn how to do on your own.
28. Honestly, you should never move in with someone because youll cut the rent in half. I know its tempting. Dear God, do I know. But its not a reason to move in together.
29. You need to learn to kill that fucking spider by yourself. It will make you a stronger, better person. Trust me.
30. Most importantly, you need to learn how to sleep alone. You need to know you can pay the bills without being reminded. You need time to figure out the intricacies of adulthood on your own. You need to learn how to put together IKEA furniture on your own, which is obviously a metaphor for many other things YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT.
Otherwise, youll end up in a codependent relationship, and codependent relationships are definitely not the end goal, sweet kittens. So listen to your big sister Z. Shes made this mistake, not once but TWICE, and she wants better for you. Message me if you have to.
