19. Humiliated And Can’t Trust Anyone
Well, it’s more of a secret to my friends that I’ve made recently. Some background first: I don’t like being touched or hugged, and I’m incredibly uncomfortable with intimacy in general.
When I was in the 8th grade, a bunch of girls in my class convinced me they had a friend who fancied me (they said she had seen me somewhere and thought I was cute). Faked a MSN account and they talked to me every night for a few months, invited me out to the movies and (obviously) didn’t show up, then revealed to the whole grade that I had been tricked into having an ‘imaginary’ girlfriend.
I was mocked viciously by everyone in the grade and ever since then I can’t really trust women. I also can’t believe that a girl may have feelings for me. Even when they explicitly tell me they have feelings for me I can’t help but feel like they’re trying to trick me. It’s caused a lot of insecurity, and I can’t get ‘attached’ to people easily. I’m terribly afraid to text, or message people first because I’m convinced I would be annoying them. What’s worse is that when I think about it, I know it probably isn’t true; but I can’t help but feel like it is.
Even though it was grade 8, it was around the time when attraction to women was just starting to get ‘real’, so to be hurt at a time as delicate as that has really done some damage.
The secret of course is that I had been dumb enough to be tricked. As you might suspect, the whole thing has left me afraid of being vulnerable. To have this found out by my newer friends (as in, university friends) would put me in a really uncomfortable place. I probably wouldn’t be able to be their friend anymore.
Thanks for reading, you’re the first people I’ve told about what this event has actually done to me.
20. Imaginary Friends Have Returned
I still have “imaginary friends.” I’m almost 30.
I lost them for a while. I don’t know why or how, but it they were gone. I couldn’t see them or hear them any more, not the way I used to when I was younger. It made me was miserable. I kept hoping for a way to get them back.
Two weeks ago, I somehow managed to finally break through whatever the barrier was. I have spent the past two weeks hanging out with, and talking to, a character from a well-known TV show.
I can’t really “see” him visually, but I can see him with my mind’s eye. He goes almost everywhere with me. He’s sitting on my bed right now, waiting for me to get off my computer. (I promised I would get off a little while ago, but I had to check reddit one last time.) He’s been coming to work with me every day for the past two weeks. I share my food with him. (I kind of mentally duplicate it for him, since he can’t touch it in reality.)
I love it. I’m happy again. I realize most people would say he isn’t real, but something about him is. I don’t care. He’s real to me.
21. Masturbator Destroys Parents’ Home
I used to masturbate a lot. And when I was 10 I had a technique where I’d let off a load into a sock then wash it and quickly dry it, now I couldn’t leave it hanging outside or use a dryer otherwise my family would’ve seen it and probably smell it or whatnot. So I’d put it inside my gas heater unit. Unfortunately my sock had caught on fire inside the unit, blew it up and set my house on fire. Only my brother was home at the time, and he managed to survive the house did not. For 5 years we stayed from caravan park to caravan park whilst we waited for confirmation that it was not arson and we could receive an insurance payout. We eventually did and scraped together money to start rebuilding the house. The house is still being rebuilt to this day and it shames me anytime I have to visit my parents living in a tiny mobile home where my backyard once was.
22.Sociopathic Son And Hebephilic Father
When I was 13 I caught my father in bed with my 15 year old brother’s girlfriend (also 15). I haven’t seen her since, but I’ve been blackmailing my father with it for the last 6 years.
23. Forever A Bloke
After graduating from high school, I went to a small out-of-state college where no one from high school knew me. I was told many times how impressive my false Australian accent was, so I decided it would be great fun to go through college pretending to be from Australia. All of my friends and even my girlfriend of two years think I’m Australian. I have a completely fake Australian identity, family, and past. I will soon be graduating, and I plan on asking the girl to marry me. Everything she knows about me is Australian I don’t know how to tell her she doesn’t really know me. Guess I’m forever a bloke.
24. Living A Lie Based On Pity
I’ve pretty much been a fuckup all my life. when I told someone I was suicidal, they talked me out of doing it, but I laid on them a bullshit story about being abused as a child, and just generally made myself seem so pitiful and helpless, they took me in to their home and treated me as one of the family: fed me, clothed me, everything, and never once asked me for anything in return.
I still live here with them 10 years later, I work in the garden and help the 5th grader with homework, I do all the grocery shopping and cooking and I live here like this all based on a pack of lies. I guess I am mentally ill somehow, but I don’t know if I can ever get better w/o telling someone the truth. It makes me feel sweaty and sick in my stomach to even think about telling anyone this story.
25. BetrayedBy A “Friend”
I was about 23 and was working kind of late. My friend wanted to go out and was bugging me about it. He’s gay, I’m not… But eventually he talked me into it. So we go to a little dive bar and are hanging out, just chatting. A couple of friends were supposed to come too, but they never showed up. I was nursing my first gin and tonic when I went to the bathroom. I came back and finished my drink, and that’s when things started getting fuzzy.
I knew something was wrong so I ordered water for my second drink. But it didn’t work. My world was spinning, and I had basically lost control of my motor functions. My memory is pretty rough too. I remember my head on the bar, and he was rubbing my crotch. I remember him helping me to his car, dragging me up his stairs, passing out on his floor, him blowing me… I was back in his car at one point and then I woke up in my bed. I felt like shit and was totally surprised that my car was in the driveway. I have no idea how I got home. At one point in the night I left an incoherent voicemail on my best bud’s phone.
So I was raped, and I was so embarrassed, he totally got away with it. I’ve never told anyone, not even my wife. She knows something happened, just not the extent.
26. I Miss The Voices
I used to hear voices. For years. It started when I’d walk into my room and say hello to my Lain poster (I’ve always over personified objects) and eventually she started responding. Over time I could talk to her elsewhere, I’d pull her up when I was sitting in class or riding the bus, and I’d put on headphones so nobody would notice I was talking to myself since it was barely audible. Eventually Lain told me she was a god and I was too, and there were two others, but they didn’t really like me so they would almost never talk to me.
A long time later, maybe years, she started being really mean, and it turned out there was another voice who was just pretending to be Lain named Misery. This one was stereotypical, everything I did was wrong and I had to pay for my actions, I should cut myself if I was ungraceful, everyone hated me, etc. Lain split again, and this time she was sisterly. When I was upset and crying myself to sleep I could feel her holding me and telling me everything would be alright. Misery looked different but could look like Lain if she wanted to fool me (although she would turn back into herself when I called her out on it), and the two Lains all looked the same, so I could only tell who they were when they started responding to me.
After a while they all just disappeared. I guess I saned up, because during the peek it never occurred to me I was hearing voices, they truly were gods who were speaking to me, and later during the time period I realized that I was hallucinating with delusions of grandeur. Then at one point I realized that there was more of me and less of them, when I pulled them up it was a conscious effort and part of their responses were forced on my part. Then eventually I just gave them up, they were so weak that it was really just like talking to myself and not to other people that lived in my head.
That’s not my secret, I’ve mentioned it to a few very select people that I truly trust. My secret is that I miss them. I miss them with with all my heart. Even Misery. They were friends and family, they were close to me, they understood me, and they were always there for me. Now even with real friends and family, there’s nobody that close. I can’t just pull up someone to talk to when I’m lonely, I have to call up a real person and that person never knows what I want to talk about or what I’m hiding from them, they only know what I say. Lain (the main one) would always call me on my bullshit and make me keep changing my answer until I told her the truth. Misery could always find my biggest weaknesses, which allowed me to work on strengthening them. Sisterly Lain could calm me down in a way that’s unimaginable, you can’t comprehend how good it feels to be hugged by someone inside of you.
And now I feel lonelier than I have in years because I almost never think of that time or remember how it felt, but tonight I’m sitting by myself at 2am and all I can think about is how much I want a voice to talk to and it’s been so long since I had one and I’d give anything to have another psychotic break so I could get back all my friends that live in my head.
I once had a psychiotic episode where I could talk to clouds and I could feel how much they loved me, the clouds, the trees, the birds, they were all my friends and they all loved me and they all wanted me to be happy. I had that feeling on mushrooms once, everything in the world loved me, every single thing, the house, the ceiling, the lamp, each blade of grass, it all loved me and it was the best feeling I have ever known, that was the best night of my life. I can’t tell you how much I want to feel that again, I just have no way of tracking them down again.
Being crazy feels amazing, whether it’s good or bad. Even the bad crazy where I’d stay awake all night because I knew something was going to get me in my sleep and I’d try to claw the evil out of my skin, even that’s preferable to being normal because the intensity is indescribable. I miss everything about being crazy. I miss it more than I can possibly describe.
27. The Little Blue Book
This isn’t necessarily something that could ruin my life, but it could ruin many others. I haven’t told anyone before.
My father recently went to prison for white collar crime that he plead guilty to. He didn’t commit this crime, but the alternative was fighting a highly sensationalized, media obsessed, scape-goat case and potentially getting 20+ years.
While he was in prison, I read his little blue book, which I knew contained all the missteps of everyone he’s worked with. he has always been an extremely scrupulous man, so these offenses were something he took seriously enough to note. I have information on countless state employees, incredibly prominent and wealthy community members, numerous elected city/state officials, and police officers. this information could ruin lives and start political controversy.
My father is an incredible man and is not vengeful whatsoever. he will never use any of this info against these people, despite the fact that most completely turned on him and stayed uninvolved at all costs or started pointing fingers. When I picture my aging father sitting in a maximum security jail cell sleeping on a metal sheet without a mattress (he wasn’t given one until his 5th night), I am filled with rage for these people who could have stood up for their friend and prevented this, while he still continues to be loyal. I still haven’t decided which campaigns, if any, i’m going to ruin in the upcoming elections.
28. One Marble
When I was about 12 I went with some family to the family dollar. My mother and cousins went off to go look at generic groceries so I decided I would just spend my time hanging out in the toy aisle, in the toy aisle there would always be these bags of marbles that other kids would open and leave laying there so I decided to fling marbles across the floor and one just happened to reach one of the far off aisles. So about two minutes later I hear a loud crash and someone scream “Somebody help this man!”. Being the curious child I was, I ran over to see what the commotion was about and I find everyone gathered around this guy who had seem to have fallen from the ladder as he was getting something off the top shelf. The guy is seizing out and blood is coming from his head as he laid there and his face seemed to be turning blue. My mother whisked me and my cousins away and we left. Next time we went we talked to the front cashier and she said that they called the paramedics but by the time they got there he had died from choking. Apparently when he had the seizure he was choking on his own tongue. The cause for the fall according to the front cashier was that he had put the ladder on a marble and didn’t check it before he got on it. When I heard what the cashier said I just stood in disbelief thinking I was going to jail, I tried telling my mother many times but all she did was say that I imagined it.
29. Teacher, Teacher
I’m a 25-year-old female high school teacher. I’ve gotten myself off on multiple occasions while fantasizing about fucking one of my 16-year-old male students on top of the desk in my classroom.
30. A Remarkable Liar
First time telling anyone this. This thread is so deep that probably no one will see, but if one person does see it, ill feel better. I am basically living a lie. I told my entire family I was able to transfer out of community college and into a university, but I never finished up the requirements. So since I live at home, every day instead of going to school I go to the local library and bs. My lies are so extensive, I even go to the campus and meet my girlfriend for lunch sometimes. I’ve made fake transcripts to show my family, and to make it look like I’m actually studying I go to MIT opencourseware to look up facts that I “learned in class” that day. I have become a remarkable liar. I hope to be transferring in the fall and then I look forward to living a normal life. Coming clean is not an option at this point.
31. A Broken Father Who Crossed The Line
After my mother left my father, he developed a really inappropriate attachment to me. I was 19 and my brother moved in with his girlfriend. Dad was suicidal, and had no family or friends close by, so I was it. For the first year, he would wake me up at 2am to sit with him every night until he cried himself to sleep. After 4 years of cleaning up after him, making sure he ate, and generally remained alive, I discovered that he had been using the attic access in his closet to sit above my personal bathroom and watch me through a peephole. I wanted to dismiss it as paranoia, but there were too many physical signs that made it reality. Moved out shortly after that because I couldn’t bear to look at him. I’m 29 now, and no one in my family has any idea that this ever happened. I know that he was going through a rough patch, but I feel violated and dirty every time I think about it still. I also have huge amounts of guilt because I hate him for putting me through it.
32. Kissing Cousins
Me and my cousin have been doing it for 10 years now. It started when she was 12 and I was 13. We had to babysit the younger kids in our family while the parents went to a party, and when they fell asleep, me and her got to talking about a lot of stuff. I made a move and started kissing her, and she didn’t resist. We ended up doing it on her bed that night. We would end up fucking almost every weekend when we lived with our parents, telling our parents we were going out to hang out with some friends, but actually hook up. I’m 23 with my own apartment now, and she comes over almost every day to make out/fuck. We can’t form an actual relationship: Our family would hate us forever. We once caught my cousin kissing a family friend, not even blood related, and he was isolated from the family. We both want our own things, and the sex is just an extra. Also, we’re 1st cousins.
33. The Places Lovers Meet
My boyfriend and I met at the brothel were I used to work. As a whore.
34. Don’t Leave Your Phone Unlocked Around This Guy
I had a fraternity brother who was a real dick to me in college and hazed the shit out of me. Back then, you could log into the registration system to sign up for classes. He was a senior, so he got first pick of the classes he wanted. This was right when the Internet was becoming popular, and back then, a person’s login was their name, and their pin was their birthday. I logged into his account, and dropped all of his classes three days after they started. He did not find out until midterms when the professors submitted his grades. They refunded his money, but he had to spend an extra semester in college.
2nd story – I do not have a lot of confidence, and can never ask girls out. I met my current wife by installing a keystroke logger on her computer, and intercepting facebook messages and chats with her friends until I confirmed she liked me. That way I knew exactly how to approach her. I orchestrated our entire early courtship to my advantage. If she knew she would likely divorce me because I delved deep into her personal life and found out some crazy things about her past.
35. Not Clean
I am an active opiate addict. I use every single day. Everyone in my life – even the people closest to me – think that I have been clean for over a year. I’m a good actor and liar, it comes with the territory of addiction. I don’t want this, I hate myself, I want to stop more than anything. It’s so damn hard.
36. A Lot Of Money
26-year-old male, and have “visited” with 30+ escorts over a 4 year period. This includes girls in the Amsterdam red light district to girls in Asian massage parlours. First time was about 6 months after breaking up with my first girlfriend. To be honest, I stopped counting how many times I’ve actually paid a visit to one of these girls.
Was never very confident with girls growing up, so this was much easier than actually having to put myself out there. I guess I’m actually faily good looking and have much more confidence now. Its only in the last couple years that I’ve come to realize how easy it is to attract girls, and sadly recall how much time and money I’ve wasted on escorts.
Been almost a year since I last made a visit.
Did a rough count, place the number roughly around 34 different girls, surely I’m forgetting some. With a going rate of $200-$300 each time… well it makes me sick to do that math on that one, but probably close to $10,000 total. Some of these girls I saw 2-3 times at most. At least it provides me with more motivation to keep away from this “hobby”.
37. Revenge Served Cold
I was jumped by a group of gang members a number of years ago. I was hospitalized, wound up with a concussion, broken jaw, 46 stitches and tens of thousands of medical bills I am still unable to pay. I know who all the gang members are and directly recognized one of the assailants and filed a police report. He had an “alibi” and nothing ever came of my case.
I had run in with them again a few years after that and ended up with stitches and no charges sticking to my attackers.
I see these gang members around town still. I get chased out of bars, and there are certain places I don’t frequent because I know they may be there. I bought a hand gun just a few short years ago for my own protection and knowing these guys are not just going to let me slide if they run into me again. I carry it if I know I’ll be in “problem areas” and neighborhoods where these guys may be.
One night, not too long ago, my girlfriend an I were walking downtown when I noticed a large group of them hanging outside a bar. I told my girlfriend to wait for me at another bar not too far away while I pulled my hat down over my face and put my hood up. I walked across the street to a construction zone where I could keep out of sight and still keep an eye on them. A half hour later two of them came walking across the street passed the construction zone. I popped out drew my gun and fired at them twice, unknowingly missing the first one, but hitting the other in the gut. He keeled over and let out a long groan before falling to the ground. I looked for the fist one and he was laying in the street a few yards away (ducking for cover). Thinking I had hit them both I ran around the corner pocketed my gun then ran to hide by an over pass a number of blocks away. I texted my girlfriend, she came and met up with me, and we took a cab home which drove by the scene.
The man that I shot is now in a wheel chair, paralyzed from the chest down. They (the police, the gang members, the community) didn’t know who shot them, they think it was rival gang members. I still see them around town. They are not any more weary, but I am armed and ready.
I’ve only told my best friend this story. He told me not to tell anyone else, not only because I could get in trouble, but because it would change peoples perception of me. My girlfriend never really asked what happened that night but she expects me to tell her at some point.
38. Steamrolling Through The Neighborhood
Back in middle school me an a friend in our building were standing outside our street was being repaved we noticed the workers all left for lunch so my friend said hey let’s go sit in the steam roller (being young and dumb we did). So we go and realize the keys are still on my friend was like hey let’s drive it. Well having never driven a steam roller we didn’t know that it’s the back that turns so he started it up we started going down the street he’s driving I’m just riding along do next thing I know we are losing control and we crash into some old guys living room this old man was sitting there watching tv. All we could do is just run we booked it and left. Told my parents i was over at a frisnds house and we didn’t come back to our neiborhood till later on. Come to find out the cops have been going house to house looking for us. My parents were like what stupid kid could have done this. The old man who’s house we crashed into only got a basic description of my friend but not me. There were wanted posters with a $20000 reward for my friend but the picture looked nothing like him. After about 3 months the posters went away and we were never caught. We never told anyone.
39. Mercy Or Murder
My mother has multiple sclerosis and her health has deteriorated fast since I have been born. She was gone from being able to walk, to needing a cane, to needing a walker, to complete wheelchair usage, and now completely bedridden. She has a urinary tract infection that is untreatable and is constantly in physical and emotional pain. She takes prescribed medication for depression and bipolar disorder, as well as sleeping pills. Throughout my childhood she has tried to kill herself three times because she wants the pain to stop.
In the middle of the night, I bought something from a dealer and snuck into my house to give it to my mother.
She passed away within 2 hours.
My dad, sisters and brother have no clue.