Let’s face it, Nicolas Cage is probably the closest thing we have to the eighth wonder of the world.

He’s got talent, looks, charisma — what can’t this man do? Well, in honor of his birthday today, we’ve rounded up some of his greatest (and worst) achievements for your reading pleasure.

Hope you enjoy this Italian stallion as much as we do.

  • 1. He messed up his hand in a freak bread-baking accident.
    Cagesliced his hand super badly while talking to his bro one day. Isn’t that insane?? And then his fianc left him! Some women just can’t handle the duress of love.
  • 2. He won the lottery!
    Cage took home $4 million bucks to be exact. Look at that check! (Also, hi Bridget Fonda! Didn’t even know you guys were friends…?) Too bad he lost it all to Rosie Perez.
  • She’s not even sorry about it…So, so sad.
  • 3. He’s secretly a wizard ant.
    A wizard ant named Zoc. How cool is that? Do you know what ants can do??? They’re so freaking strong!! Nic Cage is amazing.
  • 4. He stole 50 cars once and killed a man in the process.
    Look at that laser focus. Cage isn’t too vocal about this one … It wasn’t a good time in his life.
  • 5. He stole a baby once.
    We’ve all been there, Nic. We’ve all been there.
  • 6. He’s actually John Travolta.
    That dance scene in “Saturday Night Fever”? Nic Cage. The infamous Danny Zuko? Nic Cage. This man right here with a shovel amongst the snow? Obviously Nic Cage.
  • 7. He stole the Declaration of Independence before Ned Stark could.
    Whoa, Boromir and Ned Stark are total twinsies! Weird. But anyway, Nic Cage didn’t even have to go to prison for takin’ the Declaration. HE’S A BOSS.

Oh man, Nic Cage is the best. Hope you have a great birthday, friend! 

Read more: www.huffingtonpost.com