In acity like New York, though, it’s infinitely easier than any other city to meet a man you might hit it off with. The landscape makes it possible to meet a new kind of person around each and every street corner.
But having that slew of options readily available can be stifling, too. Whysettle on just one man when there’s always someone bigger, better and shinier down the block? Its too fun to pick up men at bars because there are so many bars. And so many men.
The baris my haven. Its where Im good — no, it’s where I’m fabulous. It’s where Im inevitably fearless, unquestionably sexy and irrevocably confident. If I see someone I like, I make it my mission to march up to him and get his number. There’s something about being in the presence of someone who exudes a contagious energy that makes me not want to miss out on that golden opportunity.
I am a social f*cking butterfly. Like, picture the most flamboyant butterfly you can think of. I amqueenof the monarchs.
Ive metthe only two ex-boyfriends Ive ever had at bars.
One ex was a customer whoseated himself at my bar during my brief history as a bartender, and to whom I slyly slipped my phone number when he was just a tad too drunk. The other ex was standing in a dark corner of a different bar eye-f*cking me when he decided to walk up to me and comment on my hair accessories.
But alas, those relationships both turned out to be busts. So seeing as Im currently single (very, very single) and have turned into a bit of a homebody as of late (I credit a carefully groomed cynicism and growing older for this recent transition), I’ve gone from bar-hopping back to dating apps, with high expectations for my prospects.
But what I’ve found has contradicted my expectations entirely: as sociable as I am, I absolutelysuckon dating apps.
When you think about it, my bad dating app luck kind of makes sense. There are a lot of IRL factors missing in conversations with people on dating apps that are pretty damn significant in determining whether or not you hit it off.
For one thing, there’s no chance to interpret body language, because there is none. Tone and inflection is lost in text conversations. When a dude stops responding, I end up taking it personally because I have no information about how to deal with his disappearance.