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In case you needed a reason to feel bad about yourself and your place in life this morning, look in a mirror Kylie Jenner received a spread in Architectural Digest, which came out yesterday. In it, you can take a digital tour of Kylie Jenner’s mansion and gawk at her furniture, which includes pieces like a $13,850 chandelier and a $48,000 hammock (that was not a typo). Yes, Kylie Jenner is richer than all of us will likely ever be in our lifetimes. But honestly, so what? From reading her Architectural Digest profile, I’m convinced of one thing: Kylie Jenner has no personality. It’s as if, when she was created in a lab by a team of plastic surgeons, Kris Jenner crafted an algorithm for “girls’ interests” and whatever the formula spat out, Kylie adopted as her personality traits. Kylie Jenner’s Architectural Digest spread certainly provided an inside peek into her life, but probably not the peek that was intended.

One theme that comes through the article is that Kylie Jenner, despite having a mansion filled with thousand-dollar bespoke furniture, is actually so relatable. Is there anything more insufferable than being rich, famous, and artificially gorgeous, and yet still insisting you are like us regular people who don’t have mini Lamborghinis for our one-year-old daughters and unlimited access to lip fillers and, oh yeah, a f*cking custom-designed mansion to live in? No. And yet, celebrities insisting they are just like us is a common narrative that we see so often, to the point that it’s become some celebs’ entire persona. Think Jennifer Lawrence circa 2012. That sh*t got old, didn’t it? And Kylie Jenner, someone who has been in the public eye since birth, is doing it too.

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Kylie’s Games Room & Bar // Via @archdigest #KylieJennerHouse

A post shared by KYLIE JENNER HOUSE (@kyliejennerhouse) on Feb 5, 2019 at 8:48am PST

Take, for example,  the opening of Kylie’s Architectural Digest profile, which reads: “What were you doing when you were 21 years old? Looking for a job? Settling for an unpaid internship? Shopping for a foldout futon? Kylie Jenner hasn’t got time for all that.”

No, Architectural Digest, NO. It’s not, “look, Kylie would be doing all these things you regular people do, but she’s just too darn busy!” Absolutely not. Kylie Jenner has plenty of time to look for a job or take an unpaid internship or shop for a futon, but she does not need to do any of those things because she is so f*cking wealthy and connected. She does not “have time” for an unpaid internship because she’s never needed one to make connections because, oh yeah, she was born rich and connected. She does not lack “time” to shop for a foldout futon; she literally does not shop for her own furniture because she can outsource that entire process (and who among us would actually spend hours toiling away at IKEA if we had the means to make someone else do it?). Kylie had someone custom design her entire home, after all! Architectural Digest, you of all people should know this because you interviewed the very person who designed her home!

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thank you @archdigest ✨💛

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Feb 5, 2019 at 10:28am PST

But Kylie isn’t just a stuffy rich person, the article claims. Sure, she has “vintage Lucite furniture by Charles Hollis Jones” and “vintage Milo Baughman barstools” (vintage, so cute) but it insists, “there’s nothing so precious that you can’t stand, jump, or dance on it.” I’m sure Kylie Jenner is a totally fun, nice person who throws great parties, but this is missing the point. Is it truly that Kylie is suuuuuch a chill host that she doesn’t even care if you jump all over her vintage furniture, or more so that she has so much money that she could easily just replace the $3,000 dining chair that you destroyed by tracking pedestrian mud on it? Why this fake relatability? Let’s just call a spade a spade.

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“@kyliejenner is the ultimate celebrity, the ultimate influencer. For someone her age to have achieved so much is frankly astonishing,” says @martynbullard, the Los Angeles #AD100 designer tasked with conjuring a dream home worthy of the 21-year-old almost-billionaire superstar. “I told Martyn I wanted a fresh, fun vibe to match the way I was feeling. Color was essential. I love pink, and I wanted a lot of it!” Jenner recalls of her earliest conversations with the decorator. Sly nods to @kyliecosmetics, Jenner’s blockbuster business, abound. In the dining room, for example, the leather upholstery on the chairs was custom-dyed to match colors from Kylie’s lipstick collection, ranging from ceruse to pale pink to deep garnet. Everything reflects Kylie’s personality,” Bullard says, referring to the Damien Hirst “I Love You” butterfly silk screens that adorn the dining room, pictured here. Visit the link in our profile to see more of the home. Photo by @thefacinator; text by @mayer.rus; styled by @lawrenhowell

A post shared by Architectural Digest (@archdigest) on Feb 5, 2019 at 7:36pm PST

When we get into Kylie’s likes and interests is when it really becomes clear that she just had her assistant type “Just Girly Things” into Pinterest and used the first line of results as her guiding force for life. “I love pink, and I wanted a lot of it!” she tells her designer early on in the decorating process. Sure, plenty of people like pink, but it’s a little basic. Then again, Kylie was not even 21 when she first started designing her house, so I could give her a pass.

However.

Look through the photos of Kylie’s house, and you’ll notice she has a couple of Barbie prints, many neon signs spelling out vaguely inspirational quotes, and—this is the big one—multiple rooms adorned with Marilyn Monroe prints. Indeed, “Kylie feels a deep connection to Marilyn Monroe,” her designer explains, which I have a hard time believing. Do you think Kylie Jenner has seen a Marilyn Monroe movie? Maybe she watched Some Like It Hot, but I doubt it. Or, more realistically, she saw the Andy Warhol prints a million times online, read a bunch of misattributed quotes like “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best,” and decided she liked that. I mean, yes, this was how I decided how to decorate my high school locker, but that doesn’t make it deep or interesting.

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Her house 😍😍😍❤ . . . . . . . . . . #beauty #style #Kylie #Jenner #house #kyliejenner #pink

A post shared by Kylie Jenner fan (@kylie.fan_page) on Feb 6, 2019 at 9:40am PST

There’s more. “Everything reflects Kylie’s personality,” her designer says of Kylie’s butterfly silk screens, Basquiat screen print, and black-and-white photographs of Brigitte Bardot, Audrey Hepburn, and Twiggy. In other words, we have, respectively, the star of every tramp stamp since the 90s; the wet dream of every hypebeast, rapper, and suburban teen who listens to Kanye; and the heroes of every college freshman girl shopping for a poster for her dorm room wall. And that’s her personality? That’s bleak! Kylie’s personality, if we’re to take this designer at their word, is a mood board made by 38-year-old magazine executives to sell to 17-year-old girls. It’s as lively as claiming you like dogs or “cheese is the glue that holds my life together.” I guess celebrities really are just like us in the sense that they too, are extremely basic and not that interesting.

Images: kyliejenner, archdigest, kyliejennerhouse, kylie.fan_page / Instagram

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