Like our close religious cousins the Jews, we Christians can definitely feel for the whole unhealthy holiday foods thing. Easter (also known as Feaster) hosts some pretty bitchin food, but, sadly, with that whole resurrection thing does not come a renewed sense of peace for your thighs. Thanks a lot, Jesus.

Below is our roundup of the top 10 worst for you Easter foods to avoid at all costs this year. So while youre sitting in your little pastel dress, looking at the bounty of spring, remember that summer and bikini season is closing in on you.

1. Peeps

What do you get when you take a truly deformed and overly processed marshmallow, throw it in enough sugar to kill a diabetic, and smoosh it into a festive shape? PEEPS. These god-awful candies have been peering at you with their dead eyes for too long. Theyre literally JUST sugar and, therefore, are on our list for AVOID during this Easter season.

2. Hot Cross Buns

Does anyone even eat these anymore? I only remember them from a nursery rhyme we were forced to sing in Kindergarten (thanks, Catholic school). I’ve never actually eaten one of these, but I can play this song on the recorder, so. Win for the education system? Anyway, the real foods usually going to weigh in between 160-250 calories PER BUN, and its likely you wont eat just one. Hey, that rhymed, too. Next.

3. Babka

If you arent Eastern European, you probably dont know wtf this is, but, trust me, its a buttery, sinful, braided challah-like sweet bread usually filled with raisins, chocolate, cinnamon, or some combination. Obviously, any bread product created with roughly 3 sticks of butter isnt gonna be a great gift for your thighs. Jesus would want you to avoid it. And at roughly 150 calories for a small slice, hes probably right this time.

4. Quiche

Combine eggs, milk, cheese, and some sort of ham product and whatta ya get? Bubbling fat, thats what. There are ways to cut back and make quiche healthy, but why would you? Just avoid it altogether and dont tease yourself with that 484 calorie (YES I KNOW) slice of quiche Lorraine. Its not worth it, and a muffin top is unbecoming.

5. Ham

Call me fake news all you want, but we cannot deny the evil that is ham. Its a pork product usually basted in either fruit, fruit preserves, or sugar, so, not really helping out the calorie argument here. Also, its a salt bomb, and promises to fill your little fingers to sausage proportions once they swell. Enjoy trying to give the sign of peace at Mass when you cant bend your pinky. It aint pretty. Ask mom to make a roast chicken or some fancy lamb instead.

6. Reese’s Peanut Butter Easter Eggs

To venture into the candy realm is to suffer certain disappointment. As weve pointed out before, Reese’sa lovely combination of chocolate and peanut butterare a calorie explosion. Turning chocolate into a festive egg does not a healthy dessert make. One of these will set you back 90 calories. And I know you arent having just one. Don’t lie to yourself.

7. Potato Salad

Ugh. Combine the starchiest veggie known to man with mayo and bacon and suddenly you have a southerners wet dream. Roughly one cup of traditional potato salad will set you backwait for it360 calories. Thats several Reese’s eggs and almost a piece of quiche (mmm but not quite). Stick with a baked potato, or, better yet, something like asparagus. Green things are almost always a better option.

8. Deviled Eggs

An egg on its own isnt bad. But, for some reason, we as a species decided to start cutting out and stuffing the centers with egg yolk, mayonnaise, mustard, and spices. For some reason, we decided this was a grand idea, and have justifiably ignored that each egg HALF is now 70 calories or more. No one has one deviled eggno one. Passover got one thing right, at least: Stick to a regular, non-deviled hard boiled egg and you’ll be Gucci.

9. Souffl

A souffl is an egg-based dish which originated in France. People add all kinds of shit to this springy plate including mushrooms, more eggs, cheese, and meat. However, like most things given to us by the French, souffls are truly meant for active people, like those who walk or bike everywhere. Gifting this to America at roughly 230 calories per cup is the equivalent of you baking brownies for all your friends right before a pool party. We are onto you, France, and we will not stand for your sabotage.

10. Shortbread Cookies

To end your meal, may I suggest something like a lick of chocolate? A bite of angel food cake? Shortbread cookies are butter mixed with more butter with some sugar for flavor. About 150 calories per cookie seals the deal on our Easter fate. 

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