If you’re a frequent reader of my articles, you probably know that the thing bringing me the most joy thus far in 2019 is Lindsay Lohan’s deranged presence on Instagram. I have no idea how things are going in Lindsay’s personal life, but her social media presence is chaotic in a way that’s difficult to put into words. I’ve already spent way too much time analyzing Lindsay’s posts over the last five months, but I’m not stopping anytime soon. That’s because Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram has now collided with my other favorite thing in 2019: her feud with Paris Hilton.
As you may recall, a couple weeks ago, Paris Hilton went on Watch What Happens Live, and she used some choice words to describe Lindsay. Andy Cohen asked Paris to say three nice things about Lindsay Lohan, and all she could come up with was “beyond, lame, and embarrassing.” Ouch. I was living for the revival of this confusing feud, but Paris immediately felt bad about what she said. The next day, she went on Jenny McCarthy’s SiriusXM show, and discussed her comments.
“You know, I was really nervous to go on the show because it was my first time on that show, and I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what he was going to ask. And I just, at that moment, I didn’t even know — he was was like, say three nice things, I didn’t know what to say. And I feel bad now because like, whatever. It’s beyond.”
Paris Hilton really is like the Ernest Hemingway of her generation. My favorite thing about this is her commitment to the word “beyond.” It’s the perfect word for her to use, because no one actually knows what it means. It could be the best compliment or the harshest insult, but as long as Paris says it with a smile on her face, you’ll never know. I’m a little disappointed that she walked back her shade toward Lindsay, but the fact that she said it in the first place shows her true feelings about LiLo.
But let’s get back to talking about Lindsay’s Instagram. On Friday night, Lindsay posted this major throwback photo of her with Paris, and they both look pretty happy. Honestly, it’s a great photo of Lindsay, and it’s jarring how much different she looks nowadays. But the caption of the photo is what really makes this insane.
“#beyond friends are true.” I guess Lindsay paused the WWHL clip before Paris got to the lame and embarrassing part, because she’s obviously in her own little world here. I don’t know what’s going on over in Dubai, or Greece, or wherever Lindsay San Diego is in the world right now, but she’s clearly not on the same planet as the rest of us. Pornhub, who happens to be one of the best commenters on Instagram, chimed in with my exact thoughts:
You know it’s bad when Pornhub has to be the voice of reason in your comments section. After my initial reaction of pitying Lindsay for not understanding human relationships, though, I began to wonder if she’s just f*cking with Paris. Like, she has to think this is a joke, right? Right?? But honestly, I’m not sure it goes that deep for Lindsay. As much as I’d like to think that this is a total troll moment, I can’t forget about all those random celebrities Lindsay has tweeted at, or when she tweeted at Instagram to contact her during the great blackout of 2019. I love Lindsay Lohan, but she definitely does not understand how social media works.
So where do Paris and Lindsay go from here? Maybe Paris will randomly show up at Lohan Beach House to DJ later this summer, but I have a feeling that, if anything, this feud will just get weirder from here on out. I’m sure Paris Hilton can hold a random, unexplained grudge better than anyone out there, and Lindsay Lohan has no problem acting delusional on Instagram.
Images: @lindsaylohan (2) / Instagram
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