Ill be the first one to say Im a picky person in just about every area of my life: food, friends, dates, activities, etc.
But Im ESPECIALLY picky when it comes to the space Im literally inhabiting a majority of the time. And honestly, I feel like most people SHOULD be pretty picky in that area.
So when it comes time for me to move in with someone Im dating, Id have to be serious about this person and probably like them more than I like myself (fat chance of that happening).
If that wasnt the case though, Id be pretty stern about not sharing a space with anyone whod then be able to watch a pile of Cheeto dust settle on my shirt as I watched Netflix in my underwear for 18 hours.
It turns out a lot of men felt similarly when it came to the idea of moving in with their partner (minus the Cheeto dust probably).
One Reddit user asked men what their reasoning was for not moving in with someone theyve dated for over a year, and a lot of their responses made some sense:
This guys self-awareness is on point.
I love having my own space but I’m also weird
This guy prefers to take his time with decisions (I think):
Moving in together is pretty much just 1 step below being married. So in order to get to that point I’d probably have to be comfortable with the idea of marrying them as well, which probably wouldn’t happen in just a year. But maybe it would, I dunno
This guys just lookin out for his mom.
I don’t care one way or the other but it would just about kill my very Catholic mother if I ever moved in with a girl I was dating before I was married. It’s not worth losing her respect.
This guy doesnt want to complicate something thats already complicated.
Breaking up with someone is infinitely more complicated when you live with them. Unless you’re positive you’re going to be with this person for the long haul, moving in together is a big risk.
This guy cant handle how complex living with another person is, and he also swallowed a dictionary.
What reasons might you have for holding off moving in together?
A complete disinterest in sharing a living situation with another human being, and a desire to avoid the complexity and constant compromise that entanglement on that level invariably creates.
These guys know a measly year together with someone is NOTHING.
A year is the honeymoon phase. Things be going well. After a year is when shit starts getting real.
That’s why.
A year is the BARE minimum at which I’d consider moving in with someone. Before that, and likely not until a while after that, I wouldn’t feel I was intimately familiar enough with my SO, and certain enough in our personality and lifestyle compatibility, to run the financial and emotional risks that come with cohabiting.
And I’d be even more wary if I was particularly tangibly invested in my solo-living lifestylea house I owned that I’d need to sell, a killer apartment that I could never find the likes of again, having to move a significant distance, increasing my commute him, having to pay more than before for my portion of the new place’s rent, having perfect-for-me decor that I’d have to compromise on or give up, etc.
I moved in with my fiance at about a year and a half, and we’ve been very happy living together, but I wouldn’t have wanted to do it much sooner, and I was only willing to do it this soon because I have a fair number of LTRs under my belt, and I’ve grown pretty confident in what I’m looking for in a partner.
A year is too soon, I say two years is prime move in time.
This guyreally identifies with The Backstreet Boys I Want It That Way (or, like, just the title of it).
I don’t want to give up my space, I don’t want to split bills, and I don’t want to have to go through hell to break up if things go south.
According to this guy, there are only four reasons a guy wouldnt move in with you after a year. Thats it. Thats all. Read em and weep.
Only reasons I can think of are
- lease or contract issues been in this situation before where a landlord won’t break the lease and couldn’t get a sublet
- planning on leaving to work / live / be somewhere else; e.g. “I’m leaving for Navy Officer school in 6 months and I haven’t told her”
- just not that into you; things are good but not great
- weird personal desire to keep things separate
This guy understands living alone is a prime deal.
I like living alone. Also had living situations that weren’t very good for me so I’d be a bit apprehensive about doing that again. The girl would have to be someone that for sure if wife material to even think that now.
This guys just lookin out for his girlfriend. TAKE NOTES, EVERYONE.
My main problem is that I work part-time and study part-time, so I make very little money, therefore my girlfriend would have to shoulder more of the financial burden and that’s not fair to her. Bills and everything should be split 50/50.
This guys secret passion might be interior decorating, and he doesnt want anyone to mess with that. (Just kidding, but maybe not.)
What reasons might you have for holding off moving in together?
I like having my own place, decorated to my taste, and not having to share it with another person or their stuff.
I love my wife, but if I was single again I would never, share my home with another woman. I miss the solitude I had as a bachelor.
But really, this guy really needs to start making his own damn bed.
My mom makes my bed for me
Obviously, communication is key if youre wondering why your guy doesnt immediately want to split his closet with you. So talk it out because he could have a pretty good reason for it.
And be careful not to move too quickly, or youll be making someone elses bed forever.
